I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
