my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
