my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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