If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
