i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
