One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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