im having a threesome with these popsicles
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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