WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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