just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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