my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
