Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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