By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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