Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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