the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
