Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you will always have a special place in my vag
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
