Me. At least after what I've been through.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
