Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
