i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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