The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
