I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
