that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
