youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
