I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
