when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
