I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
