you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
