So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
