I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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