Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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