I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
