I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Houston, we have a blender
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
