member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
