we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
