im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
BRING THE BAGELS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
