We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
