I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
