Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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