His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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