I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
