I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
