I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize