like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
