I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
