I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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