textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
