Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
