So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
