cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize