You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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