Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
