Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
