so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
