somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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