Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
