shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
