Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
