Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
