Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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