This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
