WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
