What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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