remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
