We named our party play list daddy issues
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im part way to drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
