I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
