And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
