There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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