I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
