I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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