I think I won the penis lottery.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
pray to the hookup gods
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
