tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
