oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
